Simple Charcoal

Marina Dieul · 10-23-2007, 11:13 AM

Hi,
it's been a long time I wasn't around....
Here is a very simple sample of a head and shoulders I made for an auction.
There's a little something that bothers me but I can't point exactly what...
Or maybe I just need fresh eyes ?

Mischa Milosevic · 10-23-2007, 07:05 PM

Hi Marina, yes long time. When we get working we at times do not know how to rest. This is a portrait well done.

Allow me to suggest a thing or two that mite start you thinking. First, when I compare the dark part of the eye one to the other there is a difference in size. I would have a look if it is so in real life even at a angle or perspective.

Even though that this is a simple drawing I think I would indicate the planes of the chin and around the moth a bit more. I think that if you do this it will relate to the structure of the face better and partner with the nice nose.

You have depicted the hair quite nicely still the front, on the for-head seems like a bad haircut.

One more thing, on the light side the light line that runs from the nose across and bottom of the cheek seems to light and resembles a gash or a channel. Even though the cheek in light is receiving most of the light one should be able to notice the planes of the face.

I hope I struck a chord of inspiration.

All the best to you

Marina Dieul · 10-23-2007, 07:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mischa Milosevic

You have depicted the hair quite nicely still the front, on the for-head seems like a bad haircut.

Ah! I have to laugh here! You're absolutely right : IT'S a bad haircut ( but she's very proud of it : she made it herself with her own little scissors !

I think I should completely change this, and draw her hair as they were before she played to be a hairdresser.

Thanks for the other suggestions. I was happy because I drew this quite quickly, but then a lot of small adjustments in value, shape, (etc..) appeared, and finally I think it will take the same time as always...

Steven Sweeney · 10-23-2007, 07:49 PM

Marina, I was willing to accept the hair as a "style," though it does seem a bit solid, especially, for example, as it falls below the far side of the chin. I wonder if that lower line of the hair form might be broken up a little. Even a few narrow lifts with a knife-edged kneadable eraser.

The very first thing that came to mind, however, when I first opened this image, was that the crown of the head seemed very high, given what appeared to be the pose of the head. It couldn't be explained by a full hairstyle, because the part -- close to the scalp -- works its way to the back of the head. I wouldn't have expected to see such a sharp rise from the forehead in the front to the crown in back, unless her head were tilted forward, which it is not.

That may well be accurate, and I'm not saying it's "wrong," just unusual and perhaps something to take a second look at.

Marina Dieul · 10-23-2007, 08:22 PM

Steven,
I know that your first impression is good, because I was working on something else this afternoon, and when I raised my eyes on this drawing, I immediately found the skull was too high, not round enough...

I will try to find some time tomorrow to rework on it and to post the changes.

It's sometimes difficult to decide when to stop the minor adjustments ( it seems sometimes that you can continue forever) but for this one , my eyes were telling me that there was more than a few minor adjustments...

Thank you for taking the time to look at it !

Christy Talbott · 10-24-2007, 11:40 AM

Hi Marina,

Your work is such an inspiration to me! I actually love the girl's haircut and the way you've drawn it! i love her eyes and the calm expression in them as well.

It seems as though her nose may be jutting a bit too far forward... usually the crease where the nose meets the cheek is more in line with the inside corner of the eye. However her face may be just like that. Another thought I have is that I might like to see that far edge on the bottom of her nose receding a bit more into the shadows, essentially just softening the detail in that area. That might help to bring the focus more on those mysterious eyes!

Christy

Marina Dieul · 10-24-2007, 02:26 PM

Thanks Christy,
I also liked very much those eyes.
One of the problems I had, is my reference was on a black background, and the hair were integating the background, making difficult to see where the head stops at some places.
I decided to put her on a white background because I wanted things to be very simple, but I decided to change that to integrate more the figure. (maybe I will finish with a black background as often...)
I reworked lots of details you pointed all, and many others too

So today it looks like this, and I don't know yet what to think about it, I just need to stop watching it.

Christy Talbott · 10-24-2007, 03:27 PM

Taking a step back and looking at it with fresh eyes a day or two later is always helpful.

Anyway, I think in adding this darker background you've made a vast improvement on it. To my eyes it's lovely!

Mischa Milosevic · 10-24-2007, 06:00 PM

Marina, I like the change with the background. Would you consider gradually lightening the shadow side, darkest being on the light side above the head? I like the way you have adjusted the bangs. I do find the straight white line above the bangs unnatural. The eyes look lovely and moody. Maybe a hint of light on the light side, just a thought.

You have shaped the hair, the eyes, the nose the mouth beautifully but the planes of the face do not seem to be there. The shadows on the shadow side are there but the reflected light the Rembrandt light for some reason do not seem to work. Sure it looks nice, cute, well done but I think you could do more to make her look real.

On the neck, should there be some reflected light on the far shadow side? Should there be some light trickling down her shoulder and to the front?
I know, I know, I'm pushy.

I wish you nothing less but the best.

Chris Saper · 10-24-2007, 10:08 PM

Dear Marina,

Stop, it is fini. Lovely piece. (And there is nothing simple about charcoal.)