The funniest commission requests ever

Kimberly Dow · 08-25-2003, 02:07 AM

I was reading Mary's post about the baby parts and it started me thinking about some of the more unusual requests I have had (and done). I thought this might make an interesting thread.

The one that comes to mind first is the big HUGE long-haired biker dude that made an appointment and came to my house one evening. He had said he needed a portrait of his brother. He proceeded to show me the tattoo on his upper arm of a man, it was his dead son. The portrait he wanted me to do was a pencil sketch of his brother, who had just passed away.

It was to be taken to a tattoo artist to put on his other arm. It was a sad situation, although I did not get into the reason for the deaths, but what was kind of funny is that I did the job - I was afraid not to. You should have seen his Harley.

There was one other from a male body-builder. He said his attorney girlfriend had a collection of famous nude prints in her office. He wanted a pastel sketch of himself nude for a birthday gift to add to her collection. He went on and on about how built he was and the competitions he had won.

I went out and bought new pastels and boned up on life sketching. The day before he was to arrive (I was working in my home at the time) I arranged for my mother-in-law to come over - my husband was afraid the guy could be a freak and I would be home alone and all. My mother-in-law is an artist herself, she was about 77-years-old at the time. She wanted to sit in on it, but I told her no since it might make him uncomfortable.

When he arrived, all started fine, except that he wanted to flex - which was hard to draw - but my wonderful mother-in-law couldnt stop herself - she had to peek in. She pretended there was a phone call, knocked & opened up the door.

When this guy got a peek at this 77-year-old tiny little woman peeking at him over her glasses he bolted. He got dressed very quickly and I never heard from him again. I made her pay me for the new pastels. Her only comment was to laugh and say she thought he must take steroids.

So anyone have any interesting/funny commissions they were asked to do?

Michele Rushworth · 08-25-2003, 04:13 AM

Someone once asked me to do a huge painting of a tiger for their black-and-chrome living room (this was the eighties) but I turned them down.

Timothy C. Tyler · 08-26-2003, 11:35 AM

Commission requests are like requests generally-you've got to turn some down and don't even want to recall many of them.

Kimberly Dow · 08-26-2003, 06:06 PM

That may be true Tim, turning them down that is- but the really funny ones make great stories. I wouldn't take either of those jobs I mentioned above now, but I get a big kick out of remembering them.

Karin Wells · 09-01-2003, 07:17 AM

I do get asked from time to time to paint someone in the nude or partially draped in a very suggestive way. I am uncomfortable with things that border on the tasteless and turn these jobs down.

I did get asked once to paint a pooch with angel wings, a bone in his mouth, sitting on a cloud and turned that one down.

Another nightmare painting I was asked to do was a pix of an elderly suffering woman (somebody's mother-in-law) in a hospital bed with an IV drip stuck in her arm. I was to paint Jesus standing beside this tormented soul with his hand on her head. I passed on this one too.

I was approached by the mother of a teenage daughter who wanted her daughter to be painted "to look skinny." The child was perfectly beautiful just as she was. I thought that the mother was way out of line - and I told her that I refused to participate in sending the kid a message that she was "not OK."

I've probably lost a lot of money by refusing commissions, but I sleep well at night.

Jean Kelly · 09-02-2003, 12:11 AM

When I was doing art quilting I was asked to do a quilted young man, lounging on a zebra skin rug, surrounded by mirrors. I was willing to do it but the client chickened out.

Oh, forgot, this was from life!

Jean

Kimberly Dow · 09-02-2003, 09:32 AM

Karin & Jean,

Wow, the title should be changed to 'scariest' instead of funniest.

I keep thinking about the woman in the hospital bed, can you imagine sleeping at night with a painting like that staring down at you?

The quilt with the nude guy on a zebra rug, now THAT'S art.

Jean Kelly · 09-02-2003, 07:17 PM

Kim, this one was right up there with Elvis on velvet!

Jean

Karin Wells · 09-02-2003, 07:36 PM

I had an odd male model once who showed up at a life class and dumped so much oil on his body that he dripped through the entire pose. We were surprised that he didn't slip off the dias. Also, he couldn't stop grinning.

He made us so uncomfortable we didn't ask him back. Ugh.

Kimberly Dow · 09-02-2003, 08:34 PM

Karin,

I had a freaky model once in college too.

All the regular models walked out in robes then took them off when on the stand.

This one walked out nude going in between all the students. Then at the break I am still working, not looking up and someone speaks to me over my shoulder. I turn around and he is standing there buck naked about 2 inches away. He was asking if he could buy the drawing. I tore it off the easel and handed it to him while I backed away REAL fast.