Time Management: How do you do it?

[Kimberly Dow]

Pat, I hope your doing fine.

As hard as it sounds, you may be better off. If your having to do all the cooking, cleaning and work...your going to be resentful years down the road. The other Pat's story is all too familiar.

I wonder if because we love our art so much - it gives our families more reasons to resent it and treat it like a hobby? How many accountants love what they do and spend extra time at work? Because we arent moaning and complaining that we have work to do....like so many people who dont love their jobs, it's easy for our families to see it as a pleasure, not 'work.' My husband calls my painting time 'relaxation' (even though I bring in a significant part of the income). He compares my painting time to his TV viewing time in terms of stress vs. relaxation. I couldnt imagine wasting the time he does watching TV. He is right about one thing- I love what I do - we are lucky - those of us who get to do this. It shoudnt be a mark against you if you love what you do. If you have a significant other who doesnt help with the chores, kids, etc.... the only thing you can do at times is just to know you aren't doing anything wrong. It isnt wrong to let stuff slide if he/she wont help. It isnt wrong to expect the other person to carry their weight. It doesn't always work....so many partnerships are unbalanced and we cant make people do what we want always. Sometimes, we just have to suck it up and sleep less. And not let the discouraging, whining, selfish people in our lives bring us down.

I read something the other day that was funny...and could help anyone who is about to get into a relationship. The tip was 'If you dont want to be doing it all yourself for 20 years - dont start out doing it." In other words - if you dont want to be the only one in your house cleaning or cooking - dont start the relationship out by cooking and cleaning all the time thinking your partner will step up and appreciate you and do more later. It doesnt work that way...people naturally become spoiled and expect it. Make your expectations clear from the begining. Dont be afraid to get what you need. And don't settle for less than what you need. If you know you need your art - so make sure you insist that be a priority.

This isnt just a female problem...although that seems to be the majority. Women's Liberation didn't do much to help women as far as I can see. Now most women still raise the children, do the cooking and chores - but also have full-time jobs. I know a male artist though who is in the same boat.

Here is to all of us -
and all the trials and tribulations involved in making art a career. In many ways we are so lucky.

[Lacey Lewis]

Hi Pat,

I didn't read your posts before you edited them, but I can infer some and can tell that you are in some pain. I hope you are doing OK and hope that your art will help you through!

Kim, your post reminded me of some things. One was a college instructor of mine. She was discussing with me the importance of making your studio time a priority and having others respect that. She told me that her own husband didn't respect her studio time: he was also a painter!

I think, like you said, that people don't respect art as a job because it is enjoyable (though sometimes we wrestle with it!) but also due to the way art itself is treated. Some of it may have to do with the idea that there are no standards in art and that just by being an artist, you produce art. Some of it also may have to do with the idea that an artist has talent, so it's all a natural abiliy that doesn't need to be worked at.

I know it really made me mad when my aunt and I were going to the same college. We both worked, and I had a young son at home. I was majoring in art (but half my classes were academics), she was majoring along the lines of medical billing. When she saw my grades, she said "I wish I was an artist so that I could get high grades, too!" Grrrr! I thought "Yeah, all I do all day is color!"

OK, I may be off subject now. But I also wanted to post one of my favorite sayings (that likely doesn't help): "A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle."

[Patricia Joyce]

Thanks for the moral support Kim and Lacey,
For a relationship with an artist to survive the artist's partner has to understand that art is essentially who we are. When I was married and raising my children (I am talking a period of twenty-some years), I NEVER stopped thinking about my art. Grade school art exhibits made me swallow and fight back tears!
Now that I am creating portraits again, I think of those years when my art was dormant and I am reminded of a story I read about a pianist who was imprisoned in the concentration camps in WWII. He said that what kept him sane was to continue to finger an imaginary piano. I think that every portrait I ever looked at during those twenty-five years I imagined a brush in my hand . . .

When I finally returned to my art I made a declaration to my children and to my large family and to my signifcant other, "I set my art aside for twenty-some years. I will never ever do this again. That means hanging up the old apron and tying on a paint smock. The dust ball will turn into tumbleweeds, preparing beautiful home cooked meals are a thing of the past except on special occasions, and there will be family functions that I will bow out of..."

Now, they are learning that I was serious and am still serious and I think my getting my own place brings me great resolve and peace. I had a great Monday yesterday, working on my next portrait.

My personal life will settle down to what is right and I will not have lost my sense of identity. There is no stopping me, whether I can ever make a living at my art or not.

And yes, we are blessed to have this passion, this work we all share!!

"It grieves me greatly that I cannot recapture my past...I can only offer you my future, which is short, for I am old" - Michelangelo

"A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write, if he is to be at peace with himself. What a man can be, he must be." - Abraham Maslow

[Allan Rahbek]

Way to go Pat,
Art is a faithful lover, go for it !!
Allan

[Patricia Joyce]

Thank you, Allan!

[Kimberly Dow]

You go girl.

My mother-in-law was a very talented artist. I say was because she stopped painting many times during her life because her husband was very demanding of her attention. She was raised in a different time where she believed you should always do what your husband wanted - even if it was not necessary. She would go to work with him, because he asked...just to keep him company. She raised 5 children. She worked in many different businesses with her husband over the years as well. Even if she wasn't needed - she went there because he wanted her to. Even if it was killing her, she went. He was extremely jealous of her art - HE wanted all of her attention. She hasn't painted now in over 12 years. She is still going to work with him and they are both very healthy and vibrant 84-year-olds. She had a real talent that she could have devloped to be outstanding. She doesn't seem overly bitter about it, but there is definitly regret there. I respect both of these folks more than I can say...but her life is my worst nightmare! She is also one of my biggest fans. No one wants to complain about the time I spend painting around her - she understands and is a great defender of mine. I've heard her lecturing family members who were taking up my time needlessly by dropping by and expecting me to drop what Im doing and cook for them....saying "For Kim, this is a CAREER!" Nothing like having a little 4'9" powehouse in your corner.

[Patricia Joyce]

That is a very bittersweet story, I feel bad for your mother-in-law but I am glad she is your advocate with your family. It helps so much. My 80 year old father paid for movers to move me to the apartment and he came over this weekend to see the place. He suffered a stroke in January and is in poor health, but he sat across from me and told me that NOW is the time to focus on my studio work, to paint and draw and allow no distractions to get in the way. I originally got Mondays off from my day job (I work Tues-Fri 10 hr days now) to nurse him back to health. Now that he is able to take care of himself he says, don't come over on Mondays, you should be in your studio all day!!!

And then the support we give each other, here is immeasurable.

Thanks, Kim.