I think I usually have a pretty good sense of spatial orientation, but I have to keep talking myself through this piece, "Okay, this is the original and this is the guy painting the original and this is the guy painting the guy painting . . ." I did the same with Norman Rockwell's portrait of a portrait of a portrait. It's kind of a fun puzzle to back your way through.
What I call the "drawing" in a painting looks correct -- things look anatomically correct, proportional. The figure looks natural, not uncomfortably posed. Perspective seems right.
You specifically asked about color and value. You've got a full extension of values, from very light to very dark, and strong contrast in value takes our eye to the "main" subject, the figure on our right. I guess, though, that I'd also like to see the effect of bringing more of the painting out of those extremes of very light or very dark. For example, the entire lighted area of the shirt(s), which comprises possibly half of the painting, is very white, very bright, and somehow completely uniform in value. Even such a light fabric is going to exhibit variations in value (and hue, even if subtle) as it folds and twists and moves into planes parallel rather than perpendicular to the light. So you might look for some "darker lights" in that area.
Similarly, you might dig some "lighter darks" out of the background. The gentle value lightening that begin's on the right (viewer's) side of the head could be extended on out to the right side of the painting, which would perhaps more accurately suggest the passage of light beyond the figure and into the space behind him.
On the matter of light, the bright triangle of light on the subject's right cheek seems too bright and well delineated. It's hard to grasp what sort of light source would create such a bright light, with such crisp edges, without significantly and similarly affecting the rest of the face. I think I'd tone that area down a bit. The rest of the face looks pretty good. On the subject's wrist, there's a slightly curious dark shadow shape that extends quite a ways toward the elbow. I'm not sure what that's about; you might want to review that area.
As far as color goes, what's there seems fine. You've got a complementary red and green scheme going, which is pleasing to the eye. Those areas do, however, make the shirt look "unfinished" to me, as if it's still waiting for some color of its own. If you have the ability to PhotoShop this, you might want to experiment with the effect of dropping in some different hues in various values. I'd stay away from a paisley design, though, or any monograms from Disneyland or the Mall of America.
Good luck,
Steven
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