Leslie,
Another option for knocking back that dominant red shirt, since you can't schedule another photo shoot: paint a shawl over it, or a blazer, in a different color. I'd do thumbnails, check out what different value shawls do for the composition (choose the value according to what gives you the most powerful 3-value composition). Then I'd set up a model or a mannekin in a red shirt with the chosen shawl to see how the fabric drapes.
The red shirt, the red "mud-face" you get in that full-sun light key (the light is not flattering her features in either photo), the deeply-shadowed squint caused by that full-sun light key, and I'll mention the very dominant (distracting) rails here, too -- I see lots of challenges to this reference photo.
Somehow you need to simplify what's going on in this photo.
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