Uncertain about composition & light/shadow

[Mai Ly]

Hi, everyone,

I need some comments on my work-in-progress. The painting is done by soft pastels diluted with water on watercolour paper. I am not sure if I like the composition and the rendering of light and shadow for this painting.

This is my second posting. I did not get much response on my first one. I hope to have some more feedback from everyone on this one. I would like to be able to learn from everyone and do better paintings.

This painting is called 'Private Thoughts.'

Thanks,
Mai

[Elizabeth Schott]

Mai, I really think you have caught the concept of "private thoughts" really well!

Can you post your reference? I found more people responded to me when they saw the reference material.

I just realized why these are tricky to critique, because you can't see the image below, I bet it would make the site go way too slow, so I have opened it in another browser.

Compositionally, the woman in a single chair with the barren space really suggests "private", but my eye keeps going to the corner of the bench area, with the chair, the perspective looks like it might be a tad off. Is there something you could add to that corner that is free in shape, like flowers? I know the pro's here would have you work with your colors and values, but I am basic and think something placed there could help.

It looks like you have strong light on the left area of the wall and face, but I don't see that on the chair or throwing a stronger shadow on the wall behind her.

I think her face looks lovely. Can you post a close up? I think I would tone down the yellow in her hair, which somehow doesn't fit with the brunette. The way it is indicated I don't think looks like true blonde highlights.

I think you should keep working on this, it could become a very calming piece.

What made you think of watering down your pastels? That sounds interesting. I tried it as a background wash one time.

Best to you!

[Enzie Shahmiri]

Hi, Mai!

I like the feel of your work. The only thing that I noticed was the position of the left arm of the girl. It needs to be broader with more weight on the table. Hopefully someone out there can formulate what I mean better than how I am doing it.

[Mari DeRuntz]

Mai,

I think your lighting and composition here work. I also like how you

[Sharon Knettell]

Mai,

The face is pensive and lovely. There are, however, serious problems with this picture. I think you have the talent to be able to rectify these in the future.

A. Composition. Always secure your composition before you start a picture. That way you ensure that there are no awkward spots to fill afterwards. Personally, I would have put something square there, a picture, a window etcetera. Pastel is too messy to contantly rework. Know what you're about before you start.

I do large life-size pastels. I have to know what I am doing before I start.

There is an example of one on the www.portraitartist.com site. It is under "other works for sale" (upper left hand corner) on the home page. Click on and scroll down to the bottom. It is the dancer with the red hair. The picture is over 7' tall.

B. Drawing. Her shoulders seem too narrow. The hand does not rest convincingly on her knee. The hand on the knee needs to be softened. Squint when you look at your material so edges automatically become softened.

C. Edges. The edges of her face, especially her jaw line need to be softened. Hard jaw lines seem to be rampant, even among professionals. If the jaw is too hard the head always looks like it has been cut out and pasted on.

D. Color. I assume you know your complementary colors. Since this picture is basically dull orange in color, it calls out for a bright touch of its complement, blue.

[Mai Ly]

Thanks everyone for your input. I have tried to incorporate everyone's comments in the painting and here is the final version of 'Private Thoughts'.

Thanks, Beth, for the suggestion of the flower, and thanks Sharon for your constructive critiques. I will bear them in mind for my next painting.

Mai

[Sharon Knettell]

Much stronger and evocative! Next picture. please!

[Elizabeth Schott]

Bravo!

[Mai Ly]

I have updated the 'Private Thoughts' painting to include the brass plate. I also touched up the table and walls. And here is the updated version.

Mai