Eward, Alistair and William

[Chris Saper]

Dear Pamela,

In addition to the excellent comments you have already received, I would add a couple of thoughts, the main one having to do with the composition - it may just be something that you'd consider in future paintings.

I think that we "buy" things, visually in photographs that we don't so easily accept in paintings - there are five chopped off limbs going into the sand pile. They act as visual arrows pulling the viewer's eye away from the kids' faces. There is also the area on our left where the boy's swimsuit, right below the red shirt edge, might be so close to the edge of the painting, so that when it is in a frame, you will get a tangent where the red shirt ends, also attracting the viewer's eye. The way to deal with the compositional questions, I think is to work out three value thumbnails before you begin so that you can see where you want to place different values to support your center of interest. Edge tangents are usually easy to fix, just put the painting into the frame to see how far the rabbet of the frame encroaches on the image, then adjust whatever you need to.

I think you made good decisions to call out more edges in the faces, but you might think about knocking down everything but the most important edges. The clothing has lots of equally sharp edges that are attention grabbers. The area where the red-shirt boy's hair and the toddler's hair touches is a little confusing as well.

Lastly, the colors in the clothing don't seem as well integrated as they could be - by sharing some color in adjacent shapes and areas, the colors will become more cohesive.

Good luck - this is a very ambitious painting!

[Pamela Scherf]

Thanks Chris,
Yes the painting has certainly been a challenge. The client wanted me to go ahead with the design as she loved it. She wanted the sand hill in front as this represents the beach the children play on in front of her unit block. As for a frame she is not putting one on as she also loves the way I paint around the edges of my deep canvasses as I do with my contemporary paintings. But I'll reconsider the position as she may change her mind about framing at a later date. I've acted on the suggestions that Marcus and Alexandra have given me and the painting is looking a whole lot better already. I'll send in another picture when I've done but I havn't got much time as the client is coming to have a look next week.
Regards Pamela

[Michele Rushworth]

Hi Pamela,

Welcome to the forum.

Alexandra had some good suggestions:

you have intensified the value contrast in their faces, resulting in a slightly old-mannish look, especially in the youngest

My thoughts exactly!

[Pamela Scherf]

Thanks Michelle,
I have observed this problem myself with the help of the fresh eyes and I hope I have now remedied the problem. I'm now working on the suggestions Chris gave me. Let me know what you think when I put up the new photo. I want it to be as good as I can possibly get it for the client and I needed your help as it was a project I found quite difficult though I do like a challenge. You lot give better critiques than those around me including the artists in the group I'm associated with as they do mostly abstracts.
Regards from Pamela

[Pamela Scherf]

Dear Marcus, Alexandra,Chris and Michelle,
I've changed the photos for my painting as I've made some changes. What do you think now?Thanks again for all your constructive suggestions. I sure have benefited greatly.
Pamela

[Chris Saper]

Dear Pamela,

It would be better to leave the old images in place, and just to post new images as you go - because it would be easier for those who have already commented to look at your changes, as well as for new viewers who might jump in.

Thanks!

[Pamela Scherf]

Okay Chris,
Pamela

[Pamela Scherf]

Dear Marcus, Alexandra, Chris and Michelle,
Here are the images of the adjusted painting. What do you think of the changes? The client is coming tomorrow to see the painting.
Pamela
Ps. Dear Chris,
I had to wait a while before posting the new images as there was a problem with the internet connection.

[Alexandra Tyng]

Pamela, I think the value range has vastly improved. The faces are so much softer and boyish. You've done a good job with a challenging reference photo. I'm looking forward to seeing more of your work. Good luck with your clients today.

Alex

[Michele Rushworth]

Yes, these are better.