How to get the in-come coming?

[Kimberly Dow]

Melanie-

Your letter was moving and most likely hit home to more here than would admit. Sharon, I admire you for your responses. Sometimes it seems as if we are supposed to put on this air of 'professionalism' and that does not include admitting to the fact we are struggling financially.

In this career we have chosen it is so much more to most of us than a paycheck. If it weren't we'd get other jobs in a hearbeat. I have no idea where I heard it, but it was some older artist advising a younger one..."if you can be anything else other than an artist, then do it."

I struggle with finaincial issues all the time. When I look over the years I realize that my choice to be an artist has hurt my family. If I were to be a teacher or just about anything else it would have benefitted my family much more. I am blessed that I have an understanding and supportive family, but there have been times (like my daughter's accident last year) when I felt the burden of knowing we could be in a better place if it weren't for my drive to paint. Restaurant management was my field during the times I felt I had to earn a regular paycheck. I usually lasted 8 months at a stretch before being so miserable I'd have to quit. Luckily I have not had to do this for 8 years now.

Last month one of my landscapes was accepted into a show that was being judged by a big shot in Washington DC. My mother happens to live in Annaoplis, MD where the show was being held so I shipped the painting to her to deliver. I had re-framed it modestly for the show, but she called to tell me that I should be ashamed of myself and that she would be embarassed to deliver it with that frame - so she had it re-framed and would be waiting for my check to pay for it. I got a lecture from her that if I was going to do this than I should do it right, etc...no excuses. That's a great attitude, but left me feeling like a failure since I couldn't afford a nice frame at the time. Granted, she doesn't know a thing abotu trying to juggle the expenses of an art career - and she has been one of my biggest supporters - but that small thing sent me into a couple of days of questioning my worth. Needless to say, I haven't thanked her for taking it upon herself to reframe the painting - nor have I mailed the check yet! The painting did not win an award or sell so far - so she will just have to wait.

Is there are career more filled with angst than being an artist? More personally fufilling or depressing? Do you think accountants cry over their sucesses and failures? Does a restaurant owner question his self-worth when the meal gets sent back?

I have always felt I was completely selfish in keeping with this career, but that I have no choice if I want to live a life worth living. If momma ain't happy....as the saying goes.

My hat is off to all the single-parent artists out there and to the artists who are the primary bread-winners of their families.

This may not help you at all, but "I feel your pain."