First Commission

Matthew Severson · 12-30-2007, 06:00 PM

This is my first professional work, so it has been a very exciting (and daunting) experience. The fee for this drawing is $250. I'm not sure if this is too much or too little for my level of skill (or lack there of.)

Any comments and suggestions would be awesome!

Matt S.

Julie Deane · 12-30-2007, 08:13 PM

Matthew - your price is fine.

I like the fresh feel of your drawing. It has a spontaneous not over-done look to it.

I would try to make the eyes match better, even if your reference photo shows them that way. The mama of this child would appreciate it. Right now the eye in shadow looks smaller than the other and too dark.

Mischa Milosevic · 01-05-2008, 07:46 PM

Matt, I just had a chance to have a look at this. All in all it looks good. Have you delivered this drawing yet? For I do have some suggestions.

Matthew Severson · 01-06-2008, 03:04 AM

Thanks a ton for the input. I plan on delivering the drawing later next week. So I'll keep it on my easel until then - hopefully more errors will jump out at me.
Thanks,
Matt

Mischa Milosevic · 01-06-2008, 05:34 PM

Matt, i have a few suggestions for you to consider. First, the face in shadow the edge of the face by the ear seems to sharp. You mite ad a little tone on the shadow side and soften that edge or break it up, if you know what I mean. By adding another value to the shadow side, making it a little darker you will push the light side of the face out and give the face more dimension or form. The hair on the light side seems to dark. If this girl is blond than you can practically bleach out the hair and add a lit hint of body. Remember light and shadow should not compete. The shadow is your anchor and the light is the attraction. To much detail in the hair attracts the eye but it takes away from the over all focus which should be the girls face and then the flowers that she is holding.

The same with the shirt, there should be a definite separation of shadow and light separated by halftone in order to defining form.

I hope I was able to give you some constructive ideas.

All the best to you.

Allan Rahbek · 01-06-2008, 06:28 PM

Matthew,
You have come a long way with this drawing, maybe even longer than you had to go.
I like the landscape and the grouping of flowers around the girl, there are such good variation and energy in the drawing of edges, lost and found, soft and hard. But it seems as you work more freely with the less important parts than with the face ( that's quite normal for most of us).
Beside the suggestions from Mischa I have two suggestions for you: Her left shoulder ( at the right ) looks to high when I compare with the neckline, and the bouquet she holds could need some cast shadow to bring it forward.

Alexandra Tyng · 01-06-2008, 11:04 PM

Matt, I think this is a very fine effort for your first commission. The price seems right. I especially like the shading strokes you have used on the pants and in the background because there is a relaxed, descriptive quality to them.

I wanted to add something to the suggestions already given: In addition to the lack of light/shadow modeling in the girl, there is a thin area of very dark shading right around her form, especially near the bottom half of the drawing. It looks as if you felt the need to accentuate the edge of her body and to differentiate it from the background. The girl and the background are rather flat (undifferentiated in value) with a wrinkle of very dark folded-in space between them. If you squint, you will see the problem.

I would like to know how you envisioned this drawing before you began. Did you think about how you were going to model form? Did you want the lighted areas to stand out dramatically from the shadows, or did you want to keep the values within a close range? If you worked from a photo, did your reference give you the exact information you needed to carry out your goal? Were you dissatisfied with the flatness of the form and trying to bring the girl out from her surroundings?

Even if the value range is small, you can still model form as per the suggestions above. If you achieve a convincing roundness in the figure, you will not need to accentuate the outline of the figure or differentiate it from its surroundings to an unnatural degree. The shadow side of the figure can merge into the background with the use of a soft edge, yet the viewer will still "know" where the shirt ends and the background begins. The light side will come forward naturally. You will not need this ultra-dark shaded area around the figure.

Matthew Severson · 01-08-2008, 06:41 PM

Thanks a lot everyone. I will try to put your suggestions to good use and get an updated image to you before I deliver this piece.

A lot of people on and off this board have commented about the linear quality (or flaw if you will) of my work. It's probably a product of my undying love for the Art Nouveau Movement, which I cannot manage to shake from my style. The way I had envisioned this drawing was for it to contain this soft, suggestive appearance. Not overly deep, and not especially photographic in its appearance.

This may be a complete "no no" in the world of portraiture....

Thanks a ton!

Matt

Chris Saper · 01-09-2008, 01:18 AM

Dear Matt,

Congratulations on this commission! You've received excellent advice, and I hope you will post any changes that you decide to make.

I am charmed by the overall feel of this piece - the surface strokes work very nicely, the setting works well. I like the Art Nouveau influence on your style and I think you can incorporate the suggestions you've received without losing that.

Good luck!

Patricia Joyce · 01-16-2008, 10:38 PM

Hey, way to go, Mat!! Congratulations on your first commission. You should be very proud of this drawing (and pay attention to the advice from the pros - as I see you have). This drawing has a very kind feeling to it, and you can feel her youth, which I like very much.

Again, a big conrats and may there bemany more...

Patty