Please Critique

[Peter Jochems]

Hi Joseph,

After my not-so-serieus comment some remarks about the drawing. My feeling is that on the right side (at the height of her chin) the transition, from shadow to the lighter area is a little bit too smooth. Perhaps some accents indicating hair-texture or structure wouldn't hurt. Maybe the hair can be used more as a way of making the composition stronger.

If you use some extra accents the overall appearance of the girl could be more impressive. I like the way the hair is drawn on the left side, how it falls on her shoulder.

There is something in the definition of the form of the cheeks that worries me a bit, but it's difficult to judge, without a picture of the model. Maybe it's useful to look in a book about anatomy to see how the muscles are placed, with that knowledge it's perhaps easier to place certain accents, or perhaps you can ask her to smile some more for a while, so you can see how the face is structured in the cheeks. I miss something in the definition of the cheeks. But I also have to say, that this is less the case in the second picture of the drawing you posted, but that second picture isn't really sharp, so see for yourself what you can do with this remark. Perhaps you can post a sharper picture, like the second one?

The shadow of the neck, perhaps it could be a little bit sharper, just to indicate more the distinction between the lighted en the shadowy area. I do not mean a sharp shadow, but just a little more accentuated.

The eyebrow, on the left for us, is perhaps too much of a line. Maybe you can try next time to draw the eyebrows with accents, not really clear lines, but as carefully placed accents.

Another comment about composition, perhaps the drawing could have been more balanced when you placed some dark accents below on the left-side. She is wearing a dark T-shirt (?) You could use that as a reason to place some darker accent somewhere, to make it a more balanced composition.
one last remark about the dark area in the background, perhaps it's better to extend that to the border of the paper. Now it is too much an isolated area, a compositional thing.

Perhaps I'm commenting too much on a spontaneous drawing, see for yourself what you do with these remarks.

Greetings,
Peter

[Joseph Brzycki]

I am going to post my photo-refrence. Perhaps I should have done this when I first posted. Not my girlfried. I assumed she is the girlfriend of the guy I'm doing this for. Peter, please don't feel that you are comenting too much. I am soaking up every single one of your points.

[Steven Sweeney]

After seeing the photo, I'll have to withdraw my earlier observation. I can see now what's happening with the neck -- the hair on her right side is covering up part of the width that I was looking for.

[Lon Haverly]

Ignore me, too!

[Karin Wells]

It is interesting to see your photo reference in order to understand what is really going on with the neck in your drawing.

I think that this is a good lesson in "drawing what you know...and not necessarily what you see."

Even though the neck in the drawing is technically correct, it still doesn't "look" right.

I suggest you put the photo aside and simply "play around with it" until the neck looks "right" and you will end up with a first class drawing!

[Marta Prime]

Very nice drawing Joseph!. I can't add much to the comments except to agree with them, especially the conversation about the neck. Your freind got his money's worth!
Reading the other comments pertaining to this drawing made me want to ask the forum group a strange question. Do you think that a person with only one eye would have a perspective advantage in painting, or a handicap? I know William Whitaker talked about having really bad vision in one eye, yet his paintings are beautiful. I think there was a Master or two with really bad vision too...but don't recall which. What do you think? Maybe I should have made this a poll...advantage or disadvantage?

[Steven Sweeney]

I hereby claim intellectual property rights in the "'Artist's Perspective' Eyepatch", available in an appropriately limited palette of colours. There will be many imitators, but you owe it to your career to choose THE original. Ask for it by name.

-- An opportunist

[Peter Jochems]

I made the photograph lighter and then you can see that the contour of the neck was drawn by Joseph just a little too much to the left. If the contour of the neck was replaced a little to the right and perhaps the contour of the right-side of the face was a little bit adjusted (on the right side of her chin the contour seems a little too round) The placing of the head on the neck would appear more stable I think. Also the contour of her forehead could be a little bit adjusted.

Maybe the contour of the hair is a little too round too on the top of her head (towards the left)

Greetings,
Peter

[Marta Prime]

Hi Joseph,

Something was bothering me about this portrait, and I just figured it out. It has nothing to do with her face which was rendered beautifully, but the angle her shoulders are. She looks kind of slumped and heavier than in the picture. With the photo and drawing side by side it seems that the angle in which the shoulders come off the neck needs some adjustment. I see lots of artists concentrate on getting the face right, then do a more "impressionistic" rendering of the neck and shoulders. That's fine, if the perspective is right, but sometimes we get a little less picky once the fun part is done. I struggle with this myself sometimes. What do you think?

[Joseph Brzycki]

Thanks for the side by side comparison Peter. I can see all of the points you have just mentioned now. The neck is quite a bit off, how'd I miss that?

Thanks for pointing out that about the shoulders Marta. If you wouldn't have mentioned that, it would have totally flown by me. She does seem slouched compared to the photo.