Mandolin

[Garth Parker]

Mandolin is 18X14 oil on canvas.
I took several photos at this setting and played with the color saturation in Photoshop. I left the mandolin out of my alterations and liked the effect. This was more of a figurative than the close-up portraits I've been working with so I thought it would fit here.

Jerome
(Garth)

[Allan Rahbek]

Hi Jerome,

I have looked at your figurative several times and I am maybe beginning to understand where you are heading.

I have some dislikes and some things that I like very much.
Since this is the critique section, here it comes.

I like very much how you painted his head, cap, right shoulder, arm and the background arias that borders to that part, and the mandolin.

What I would avoid is all the small details such as the figure at left side and the picture frame and vase in the window at right side.

The small person with the vine glass should have been painted much more summarized ( all in my opinion).

I think that there should be a harmony in the size of elements used in a painting.

Are you a musician? If you are you will know that one note relate to the other and patterns are repeated, with variations.
I am not one myself and this is only a way of telling by analogy.

When you began this painting I bet that you started with the mandolin player and later incorporated the smaller figures, right?

You painted the smaller figures because they were on the reference.

I think that the painting would have been better without all the small details. Only the musician and some different values behind him to suggest "wall, window and wife". Different structures like different instruments in the band.

Allan

[John Crowther]

I'm going to speak up here as the loyal opposition. I like it a lot, Jerome, and find the color choice very effective. What hits me most about this painting is the energy that carries my eye from the player to the mandolin to the woman. I love the intensity of his concentration on the instrument, and the very active feel of his fingers playing. I love her contrapuntal focus on him, her stillness as opposed to his activeness, and the narrative implication that he is playing for her, even though he is concentrated on the instrument. I like the composition, and especially the almost abstract use of negative spaces that holds it all together. I guess the only thing that troubles me, as it does Allan, is the little tchochke on the left edge that pulls my eye over there without contributing anything either to the "story" or to the composition. -- John C.

[Chris Saper]

Dear Garth,

You don't say whether you are still working on this painting or not, so my suggestions might not be terribly relevant. I have made a bunch of picky comments, mainly because I like to get picky comments on my own work, so I hope not to have overstepped here.

When you place a figure in a complicated setting as you have done, obviously there are many more compositional decisions that have to be made, and many more edges, shapes, values, etc that need to be dealt with.

Overall, I think you have too many shapes consisting of too many values for the picture to have a cohesive design. I feel that perhaps there are some shapes that are over-explained, such as the tiny vase and lamp, the vertical bricks on the fireplace, the border pattern on the carpet, and the vase on our left. What makes them over-explained is a combination of sharp edges and high contrast, and the fact that the values aren't particularly massed. The area supporting the woman's arm seems to me to be under-explained.

I think that there are a number of tangents at play which compete with your focal point - I made a few red notes on the attached image locating some of them. Fortunately, most tangents are usually fairly easy to fix.The green lines are those that might need attention once the painting is framed - depending on where the rabbet sits on the picture - (creating a tangent on our left with the vase) or if it is already in the frame (creating a tangent/arrow shape at the right edge of the lampshade.) You would want to check the strong contrasting shapes at the upper right as well.

Sometimes parallel, similarly shaped areas call more attention to areas than you want (blue lines).

The dynamic focal point between the man's gaze and the finger work and the tuning pegs (what do you call those things?) is extremely strong on its own, and I think should be supported just as strongly by the other visual elements. I particularly like the softer echo of the lace hooks on the boots.

[Garth Parker]

Allan, John and Chris,

Thank you for your compliments and critiques.

My first instinct is a true portrait, to isolate the musician (in this case) with extensive cropping, and create my own back drop. With this piece I was hoping to capture the mood of the room. My goal was to focus on the mandolin and subdue the backdrop. In retrospect (and after reading your comments) my first figurative post seems to be a little to busy.

Allan,
Thanks for you perspective. I may have tried to squeeze too much into this one. The background is not as vague as I had anticipated. I was trying to capture the room

[Chris Saper]

You are very welcome If you don't mind picky, I will always be so

You are really stretching and doing good work. Bravo.