The yin and the yang

Elizabeth Schott · 03-04-2003, 03:10 PM

I started a thread a long time ago about "Balance in the life of an artist" but I want to ask a different side of this, this time.

How do you explain to your family, friends and associates how consuming your love of painting and "doing" art is for you? The fact that if you don't get to draw you will pull your hair out? The fact that you will give up doing other things to paint?

The latest in my house, which is I am assuming leverage with their father, is my kids are talking about me always drawing. My twelve year old made us all laugh by saying "all you do is color, Mom!" My middle one, when she wants something done for her, will reply with "Oh, is the light too good to stop now?"

Of course when I am not drawing I am treated to their backs on the computer! I told them they feel quality time is having me drive them everywhere instead of sending their older sister. And quality time with their father is him falling asleep on the couch.

The only reason I mention the above "quality" time is because I want you to understand, I am not neglecting them. But if I had my way, daylight savings time would be all year and would last, like in Scotland, until 11pm.

I need wisdom to reply or perhaps some understanding!

Michele Rushworth · 03-04-2003, 04:31 PM

My husband has known me for eighteen years but he's never seen me so focused on my art as I am now. (I was very focused on art before I met him.) I tell him I'm making up for lost time.

My kids know that when they were younger I concentrated almost all my energy on them. Now they understand that painting is what Mom does. My youngest has realized that she can get some extra "mommy time" by helping me in the studio. (She's becoming a good little canvas-stretching helper and brush cleaner.)

Because I "ignore" them a lot more than I used to, we have regularly scheduled "family days" where we plan activites or outings so we can have quality time together. Otherwise it would be the same thing around my household as it is around yours: Dad's watching TV, the kids are playing with their friends and Mom's painting.

Maybe you could talk to your family in the same words you just used, so they know how important this is to you. And they'll get used it.

Michael Fournier · 03-07-2003, 10:41 AM

Elizabeth,

Interesting thread. I suppose they will just have to pose for you. Then you can draw and have your quality time with them. Of course I have 2 daughters, one who is 21 now, the other 12. So I know, once they get to that age, getting them to pose is like asking them to have a tooth pulled with no anesthesia.

I suppose there is a difference between men and women in this regard, that men tend to put work before other things more easily. But this is changing every day (especially since 9-11). More and more men are wanting to spend more time with family than in the past. I look at my art as my job and I regulate my time in the studio and time with family accordingly.

This is an issue that not only artists must deal with. Today more and more people have home offices and must deal with separating family time from work time. It is very easy to let one or the other suffer. Because the office (or studio in our case) is right there in the home you can work at any time so it is easy to get so caught up in it that you work all the time. Especially when you really enjoy your work as most artists do.

On the other side is the problem that family interruptions can distract from work time. Family members feel that you are home so just as when they are home you are free to answer their needs.

My solution to both of these is I made a deal with my family. If they leave me be from 8:00 AM to 3:30 PM I will not work from 3:30 PM until after dinner.

If I have a meeting in the late afternoon then I make up the time with them on another day. This is not that I do not work in my studio any other time but I allow interruptions outside of my designated work time. This also keeps me on a schedule.

This works for me and my family and respects my work time. Most of the time, that is.

My daughters try and take advantage (knowing I will not be paying full attention to them when I am working) to ask me for something I would normally say no to. This can be a problem when my wife comes home and asks me where the girls are and I do not know. I find out later that I gave them my credit card and said it was OK for them to take my car to the mall.

Now if you are not a full time painter then you would of course need to adjust the time around your other full or part time job to still give you your time to paint. By designating work time as a time that you are not to be disturbed and family time during which you WILL spend time with the kids or your spouse and you live up to your end of the deal then your family should respect your wish to not be disturbed when you are working.

Michael Georges · 03-07-2003, 11:24 AM

I was fortunate enough to marry an artist. While she is a writer, she understands and shares that artistic drive that makes you want to finish a painted passage or a written scene even if it takes you into the wee hours.

Sometimes that actually has a negative impact on our lives because we are so busy doing art that we don't get ANYTHING else done! Several times we have both come out of our respective rooms after hours of working and gone downstairs to get some food only to find the fridge mostly empty because we have not made time to go get food.

I cannot imagine trying to do an artistic career with children and I respect and salute anyone who does...

Carolyn Ortiz · 03-07-2003, 02:47 PM

Michael,

Can I be one of your kids!?

Elizabeth,

I think balance is one of the toughest things to accomplish in all parts of life. I think a good way to gauge things is by living without regret.

You don't ever want to spend so much time doing family things that you get further down the road and look back to only regret that you didn't make more time for your art and your own interests. That tends to create resentment towards loved ones, even if you don't feel it at the time.

But you don't want to work so much that you get to the point where your kids are gone and you regret that you didn't spend enough time with them. If you can find balance you are way ahead of most.

I don't even have kids and it's hard for me to justify spending more time on my art than going out and having fun with friends.

(Ooops, some big help I am! Guess it's a struggle for all of us)

Best wishes finding the balance! Take good care!