[Kimberly Dow]

Pat, I hope your doing fine.

As hard as it sounds, you may be better off. If your having to do all the cooking, cleaning and work...your going to be resentful years down the road. The other Pat's story is all too familiar.

I wonder if because we love our art so much - it gives our families more reasons to resent it and treat it like a hobby? How many accountants love what they do and spend extra time at work? Because we arent moaning and complaining that we have work to do....like so many people who dont love their jobs, it's easy for our families to see it as a pleasure, not 'work.' My husband calls my painting time 'relaxation' (even though I bring in a significant part of the income). He compares my painting time to his TV viewing time in terms of stress vs. relaxation. I couldnt imagine wasting the time he does watching TV. He is right about one thing- I love what I do - we are lucky - those of us who get to do this. It shoudnt be a mark against you if you love what you do. If you have a significant other who doesnt help with the chores, kids, etc.... the only thing you can do at times is just to know you aren't doing anything wrong. It isnt wrong to let stuff slide if he/she wont help. It isnt wrong to expect the other person to carry their weight. It doesn't always work....so many partnerships are unbalanced and we cant make people do what we want always. Sometimes, we just have to suck it up and sleep less. And not let the discouraging, whining, selfish people in our lives bring us down.

I read something the other day that was funny...and could help anyone who is about to get into a relationship. The tip was 'If you dont want to be doing it all yourself for 20 years - dont start out doing it." In other words - if you dont want to be the only one in your house cleaning or cooking - dont start the relationship out by cooking and cleaning all the time thinking your partner will step up and appreciate you and do more later. It doesnt work that way...people naturally become spoiled and expect it. Make your expectations clear from the begining. Dont be afraid to get what you need. And don't settle for less than what you need. If you know you need your art - so make sure you insist that be a priority.

This isnt just a female problem...although that seems to be the majority. Women's Liberation didn't do much to help women as far as I can see. Now most women still raise the children, do the cooking and chores - but also have full-time jobs. I know a male artist though who is in the same boat.

Here is to all of us -
and all the trials and tribulations involved in making art a career. In many ways we are so lucky.