How does one grow thicker skin?
 

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday season and are all well poised for making the most out of 2005. Speaking of facing new challenges, I do shamelessly admit that l have been leaning heavily on this forum for support in starting my new career in art. This forum has provided me great learning tools and resources that even $ can't buy!

As I followed the brave examples of people here on the forum, and stumble, as one invariably does when embarking on something new, my admiration for those of you that just kept at it grew. How do you handle setbacks? When my first attempt at arranging a charity donation failed (can't even give it away?), I took a hard look at myself and wondered . Many may say that was nothing, just keep doing it. The truth is it does dampen my spirit. So I realized that it is a mental game just as much as it is a business and artistic challenge.

While hoping to recognize the RIGHT TIME and the RIGHT PLACE as well as honing better skill sets, I would truly appreciate any candid wisdom you may impart.

Nice to meet you all and happy painting/drawing!!

Hi October - and welcome!

The work you've attached in your introduction is lovely and unique. Can't imagine a charity turning you away. Looking forward to seeing more of your work posted!

You won't be turned away long!
 

Hi -

Your work is beautiful, thoughtful, wonderful color and evocative of many subtle emotions. You have a clientele - you just haven't met them yet.
Don't let one bad experience get you down!

Hello, October

I know what you mean about your questioning yourself. You are in a particularly hard time - you've committed yourself to this course and now wondering if you have made the right choice. This is the midnight hour. The questions keep coming like the drip of a leaky faucet, nagging at you.

Have faith. The faith that brought you to make this decision. And keep working. And never give up. Those who quit, lose. Success belongs to the strugglers.

I've only been a member of SOG a short while but like you I have been viewing it for a long time and fortunate for me I got to meet and know 3 or 4 members and their personal sharing along with the website has benefited me largely.

So hang in there, keep working and good luck.

John R.

You might want to post the specifics of your charity auction experience in the Business and Marketing section so you can get some feedback as to what you might do differently next time. My first charity auction was a complete bust and I realized it was the wrong type of auction to participate in. Other auctions have been very succesful for me since then.

Thanks very much for all your input Terri, Julie, John and Michele. Hope I wasn't too much of a cry baby here. If it is any help for people that may be in my situation, one advice I found in print somewhere said something like this: don't get bogged down by setbacks because it is a waste of time. Try to be more creative on coming up with alternative solutions or accept the situation and move on to something else. Easier said than done but with practice it gets better.

For anyone interested, I will follow Michele's suggestion to post a topic regarding my initial approach to the Charity Donation that didn't go anywhere under "Business Side of Art" section of this forum. I'm looking forward to learning from your input and hope that someone else may avoid the mistakes that I may have made.

Just want to say that it is so cool to be able to look up member's bio now that I've gained permission to do so by joining the forum.

Hi October, welcome to the Forum! I really like your painting here.

The thick skin question is a good one. I think that commercial success comes to those who want it the most. Not necessarily to the most gifted, not to the most intelligent, not to the nicest, not to the most deserving. There are a lot of very good artists who never quite achieve liftoff. It's not all their fault - we live in a culture that provides heavy weather for portrait painters. Here's a quote from Julia Cameron:

"Center stage belongs to those who are willing to move there, some talented and some not.... We need to say our own names as artists. When we do, we feel self-respect."

Remember, too, that everything in life depends on how you choose your response to it. For example, I tell myself that rejection builds my character. This may or may not be true, but that's how I choose to respond to it. The worst thing that can happen is that somebody can make you stop painting, and you have to make a deal with yourself that you won't. If you don't stop painting, then you improve.

I hope I don't come off as pompous here. This is part of the pep talk that I give students when I teach. Gaining confidence is critical for an artist and I think one needs mental tools as well as technical skills to be a good painter.

Well said!
 

Wow Linda, your reflections on this topic are very much needed and appreciated. Realizing that I have a choice on how I CHOOSE to react hits the nail on the head.

It also prompted me to want to examine my motive and what I am willing to

Hi, October. I agree with the comments about the work you've posted; it's just lovely. It's hard to separate ego from business here since we're all so emotionally involved with what we create, but it's a necessary exercise. At least you're getting the sense from these responses that the failure of the charity auction to work out for you has nothing to do with your ability as a portrait artist! Personally I have never found charity auctions to be particularly helpful. The only commission I ever got via that format was one I was going to get anyway, but minus the percentage I'd promised to the charity. I was NOT happy!

Looking forward to seeing more of your work.

Necessary exercise indeed
 

Leslie, I appreciate your sentiment as I do with everyone's post here. Some comments are so poignant that I am going to review them often as guidance.

It's good to be aware. It probably is healthy not to pin one's hope entirely on a single venue. Though while making an attempt, I sense it's more beneficial to give a hearty try than otherwise.

October, first I love your painting! Don't get hung up on the auction thing, just remember your's might not have gone but the stool painted like a cow eating grass likely went for big bucks!

The getting over thin skin, well I might be wrong, but I don't think this is something you necessarily ever get over. I think it's a tool to keep yourself getting better; like the stage actress who gets nervous before every performance.

I really believe the old saying "the more I learn, the more I learn I do not know" really applies to this field of visual arts. The proof is hanging on the wall. I, to this day, feel a great sense of pride with every painting I finish - only to finish the next and wish I could go and get back the ones done before. I kick myself for even selling portraits "before my time"!

Taking workshops has helped me learn a lot of the elements of painting people, reading this forum keeps my enthusiasm up and actually picking up a brush affirms my love of painting.

I think your posted image is so refreshing and very different, I would keep hold of that and feel good about myself. It is a niche market and a very difficult one to crack. Read every bit of information Michelle R. posts about marketing through auctions, she is a wiz kid!

And... when you think you are bad, go to a smaller museum and look at some of the "lesser" works of well known artist. HA, then you'll smile!

Stage fright
 

Beth, your stage fright metaphor definitely puts the matter into perspective. Thank you for your kind words.

To detach self-worth from how others perceive one's own creation calls for a levelheadedness that I guess many people, not just artists must learn to cultivate. Say an inventor or a shop keeper. It's really a necessary life tool I suppose. In that sense I hope time will be a friend.

It's rather comical at times to see famous successful people overreact to criticism or failure. Which goes to show nobody is immune from such human frailty.

I offered to do a drawing as a part of a silent auction at a fund raiser. It was for a favorite charity and is one I still participate in. The auction took place at a dinner for a private state animal welfare organization. I knew many of the people there, quite a few of them were well heeled to say the least. I got NOT A SINGLE offer.

To say I slunk home was an understatement. This embarrassment happened only a few years ago.

On the other hand, my biggest auction success was when I donated a portrait at a private school fundraiser a couple of years ago. The winning bidder was a Microsoft billionaire. I painted their oldest child (which involved an upgrade that brought me income) and I will also be painting each one of their five kids at full price, over time. Their friends and neighbors have a lot more money than my friends and neighbors so there may be additional referrals over time, too.

Another private school auction success was when a head and shoulders portrait I donated turned into two people, three quarter length with background (additonal income over what I donated). I later got a referral for another two person, three quarter length portrait with background from that, and more referrals may come from eventually, too.

Sharon, I find that hard to believe!

I have had success with auctions. The first one I ever participated in was at the Heart Ball for the American Heart Association. Needless to say there were plenty of wealthy people, most of which were doctors. I remember sitting there frozen scared when the time came to auction of my portrait, I wanted to flee the room. To my surprise it brought in more money than any other object, I laughed to myself because it brought in more than double what I would have charged had they come directly to me.

I can't say that I know for sure that any of my commissions came directly from participating in an auction, but just having my art visible to many people was worth it. I do know that I got one portrait specifically commissioned THREE YEARS after the woman saw one hanging in a Designer House. She had kept my card until her daughter was the age she wanted to have her painted.

Hooray Mary!

Sharon, I also find that really hard to believe! Guess you should have offered to paint some pets at that event. There are a lot of people out there that would rather have a pet portrait than a human on the wall.

In 2002 and 2003 I donated a charcoal portrait to my daughters annual school auction. Each year the portrait was purchased. Each year I could not, after many attempts, get the person to actually allow me to do the work. They paid the price so it was just a matter of giving me someone for thirty minutes so that I could take a few photos.

At some point you have to conclude that it's no just you that is being rejected, but art itself.

If I had wanted to do pet portraits I would have been deluged.

Actually, I did have success at past charity auctions. The first one led to an upgrade to an executive portrait of one of the wealthiest men in the state. It in on my site, the gentleman leaning on a post with his fingers on his chin. He LOVED it then and ten years later loves it better.

A reminder that a person is not getting any more attractive as time passes, subtly indicated can be a nudge to get the portrait project off the ground. Do NOT say, "What! Waiting for plastic surgery", is NOT subtle.

A friend of mine called me one day to ask if I had a drawing for a charity auction for breast cancer. As my mother died from that I said yes. She drove up and grabbed the quick unframed study which went at the auction for $1800. A couple of months later the purchaser bought the finished painting "Dakini" which is on this site for considerably more.

Last summer at Trees' Place a very nice gallery on the Cape I overheard this conversation. The gallery owner was very upset that some of his artists were auctioning off their pieces in charity events for prices LESS than he was selling them for. He said this was happening quite often and was leading him to reevaluate these artists participation in his gallery. In some auctions, presumably these, the charity took a commission leaving the artist with the rest.

I've only participated in one charity auction. I donated a head and shoulders and it brought in the most amount. The client hasn't had it done yet - she will this spring. She is upgrading to 3 people, full bodies I believe. She was waiting for her granddaughter to get a bit older. I was pleased with that.

I tried to get involved with a charity auction in Midland - which is a rich oil city close to where I moved last summer. We are here just a year - so my only requirement when looking into charities was to find one that was doing the auction asap - last Fall. I missed all of them - but could participate this spring. I am just not sure if it is worth it since we will be moving again. I know that travel within the state to do a portrait is possible, but I am wondering how many clients will realize this - or will it put them off if I move 5 hours away? All of my commissions have been close - no one has paid me to travel yet. I'd like a big commission in St Croix I think.... :cool:

Humility takes strength
 

I am so thrilled to read the wealth of information here on this thread offered from all verbatim. For sure there must be people out there who appreciate them as much as I do.

Sharon, thank you for sharing your humbling moment few years back. It's a relief and a lesson to hear what advanced level professionals go through along the path.

October,

One of the requirements of becoming an "Advanced Professional" is learning how to walk efficiently on your hands and knees. Being an artist is one of the most humbling experiences there is and for me, continues to be. Not only is the knowledge required daunting, but the rejections can fly thick as a blizzard at any level. The best defenses are an absolute love for what you do, and an inability to do anything else.

October, I believe that Sharon hit the nail just right.
It is not possible to put up a firewall strong enough to keep out bad feelings.

There will always be bigger and smaller artists than you and if you compare yourself to them you will either suffer from bitterness or vanity.

The only thing to do is to get the best out of your own possibilities. Be happy to learn from the best and don

[quote]There will always be bigger and smaller artists than you and if you compare yourself to them you will either suffer from bitterness or vanity.

The only thing to do is to get the best out of your own possibilities. Be happy to learn from the best and don

SOG spirit??
 

Allen and Sharon, I feel your comments encapsulate the essence of what I have witnessed here on this forum many times over. There is nothing more persuasive than living by example. I hope this SOG spirit, if I may be so deliberate to call it that, continues for a long time to come.

It doesn't necessarily get easier with success. As I was delivering work for my first big solo show last fall, the man who owns a small contemporary art gallery next door stopped me and unsolicited gave me some of the most insulting comments I have ever received. I was so stunned that I did not know what to say. His diatribe was not as much about my work in particular as traditional realism in general. He said that it was not gallery worthy, could not be considered real art, and maybe I should try some craft shows that display "decorative painting". He went on to say (no, I am not making this up) that since I am young that there is hope that some day I will be moved to create some real art that really speaks and that I will never get anywhere artistically while doing anything as static as portraits. Geez.
Well, I was fuming. It was all I could do not to unload to everyone about what a jerk this guy was. I instantly felt myself become petty and small and spiteful.
Anyway, my point is, there will always be detractors. Don't let it get to you or change your outlook.
Lisa

Lisa, my knee jerk reaction to him is ( not so nice either) can you fling a bunch of colors on a canvas and talk about the spirit that moved you as you did it? Yeah, I thought so, could he paint a portrait if he wanted to? Probably not.

I'm not saying all contemporary artists are this way, but in my limited experience it usually turns out that while they are wildly creative people they generally couldn't paint a portrait if they tried. I recently had a conversation with a very talented and successful local water color artist. We talked about precisely the attitude that you got from that gallery owner. Her theory was the same as mine, she admitted that she was extremely jealous of artists that were able to paint people, especially the ones that truly captured the essence of that person. She, as an art teacher, felt that she could teach her students to paint everything from spatter paintings to landscapes, but when it came to painting a portrait very few were capable. Sounds to me like your gallery guy has a few sour grapes.

It's such a shame most contemporary galleries and artists take a haughty elitist stand with respect to traditional art genres. It almost feels like it's "wrong", "unfashionable" and "unenlightened" to appreciate healthy human forms nowadays in the "in" art world. Conceptual artists that are in fact employing traditional methods in their contemporary work pay little or no respect to artists who work in ways that are more loyal to tradition.

I appreciate a good deal of different elements in both contemporary and traditional artwork. It just feels frustrating having to pick sides given that so many people behave as if there is only one way to see the world.