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Hi Jeff,
You might want to soften the shapes around her nose and nasal-labial fold area. The reference probably shows her squinting a lot, and that drastically distorts the shape of the nose and creates a harsh shape outside the nose wing. It was probably like that in the reference, but you might want to consider reducing the contrast and sharpness of those shapes. (As it is, it looks like she has smelled something unpleasant!)
Also, the moles on her cheek seem to be the focal point of the drawing. They are rendered in high contrast against the light on her cheek, with fairly sharp edges. Unless she is particularly proud of these moles you might want to subdue them somewhat.
And, yes, you should definitely start charging for your drawings. Not just a nominal amount either.
I was reading recently that Whistler and Sargent would do free portraits early in their careers only if the subjects sat for them from life. They would do one or two sittings of two or three hours each for a painting, considerably less time for a drawing. That gave the artists great life practice and then the sitter got the painting. Might be worth a try.
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