Joe
For what it's worth here is a quick attempt to demonstrate a few things that I thought might help your drawing. Forgive the roughness. (I have to find some way of resetting my brushes in Photoshop to avoid the hard edge cloning you will see here).
Having established my alibi, let me explain my effort. Firstly, I agreed strongly with Marta on her observation that the shoulders did not seem correct and I have to say that I am very careful to be sure that those things that contribute to the whole are often more important than the details. I also tried to make the neckline of the jersey show a more pleasing shape and appear to continue beyond and through the hair and eventually flow over the shoulder. (My eye followed this curve on our right side around to the neck in the original).
Karin's good advice to "play around with it" led to changes in the hair. I broke up and added body to the the long, flat, and continuous outline on our left and reduced the odd excess on the right. Also under the category of "play with it" and "put aside the photo" you can improve things like the neck by arbitrarily enhancing lights or darks in the hair to suggest what lies underneath (the neck). If it holds up during posting you will see a few (crude again) attempts to add darks that pick up the neck line and shoulder.
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