Lon, I must agree with you as far as general art shows go. I don't much care for them. They can have a good impact if local exposure is your goal. But personally I would consider any thing less than awards from national organizations such as ASOPA, PSOA or local affiliates of these organizations which are judged by respected artist in the field of portraiture as meaningless.
I am sure that there are other juried shows that have respected experts (I would prefer that they be respected painters as well) that are equally prestigious but I am referring only to portraiture at the moment.
I have found that it is important that your work is seen. But it must also be seen in the light you would prefer. On the green at the local Craft/Art fair or in a show known for its Jackson Pollock wannabes is not where I want my art to be seen.
There are art shows dedicated to realist artists and you are not limited to your local area. You can be the well known out of town artist.
If the show gets national and even international entries and you are accepted then you are nationally renowned.
You see it is kind of silly. The important thing is your work is seen and is received in a positive way with those who attend the show. If the show is mostly known for modern and abstract work then it is really not a show a realist painter would want to even submit to.
This does not mean that all shows are useless or a waste of time. You just need to pick the shows that match your style. And that have a jury that includes artist who's work you respect and that you would consider their approval of your work an honor.
As for your story: why would an artist care if their work was not acccepted in a show known for having mostly abstract art if they are not an abstract artist? Even if they were accepted it would mean little since they do not have much respect for those doing the selection.
I have plans to join the csopa. Although I am not in Connecticut I live very close and there is nothing that says I have to reside in Connecticut to be a member. The same is true for the NY Chapter and if I still lived in Fairfield County CT I might even have joined that chapter as well since NY city is an easy commute from there.
But my point is you are not limited to or by your location of residence when it comes to promotion of your art or in groups or art organizations you would like to be a member of. It is nice to be close to other members of organizations you join for the social aspects. But it is not necessary.
I was a member of the Society of Illustrators in NY for years (started with a student membership). I lived in CT. None of my work was ever acccepted in their annual show even though many of my colleagues and my mentor told me that my work was as good as much of what they had seen of its type.
I acccepted that compared to the hundreds if not thousands of submissions they get every year my work was simply commonplace and did not warrant acceptance in the annual show. I still attended the exhibition and I agreed that the work they did show was the best of the best. Even if I did not personally like every piece or the work of every artist, and some I even hated, I never turned bitter or displayed any resentment.