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Hi Pat,
I just checked in here this morning and found that a lot has happened in the meantime. That's great! I am so glad you got over the initial sinking feeling and jumped right in.
I sometimes run into problems, too, in a portrait. Occasionally I get the likeness almost right and I paint the head several times over, but each time something is just a little off. That is when I use a grid or some kind of measuring method. It's a way of discovering what is going wrong. Usually, as Julie says, each artist has certain tendencies to distort things in certain ways, If you are conscious of your own tendencies, then it becomes easier to correct them. In other words, drawing a grid can be a good teaching tool, as long as you don't use it as a crutch, only when necessary. So doing this now does not mean you are now labeled a "cheater." You can use this experience to push yourself to the next step, i.e., attend life-drawing sessions or open studios, or try the Barque method. Or just practice drawing your husband and friends.
I want to suggest one other thing: when you do your monochrome study, try not to put in too much value contrast and detail. At this point, you should not be worrying about the shine on the lips and the divisions between his teeth. Indicate the teeth as a block of light value. Indicate the eyes without making hard, dark lines. Tone down your light/dark contrast in the skin and try not to exaggerate the highlights. You might feel that you have to do these things to insure the likeness, but actually these exaggerated value shifts and fine details detract from the likeness. They also are unnecessary because you will be painting over them. In addition, when you work up a drawing/underpainting to that extent it becomes difficult to paint over.
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