Thanks to all of you , I now feel at least a bit normal.
Normal in the sense that I am indeed not alone.
Steven, I can sure relate to your "being a very private person in a very public pursuit." I believe that is part of why I hover here as often as I can simply reading and taking in information. I find it difficult to share my feelings about my many short-comings especially when that feeling is from my own procrastination for whatever reason. I pride myself on finishing projects, fulfilling promises, being prompt, etc. Therefore, I feel that I have not only let my client down but myself as well.
Michele, I wish the problem was that simple but unfortunately it isn't for me. I live from paycheck to paycheck ( as I am sure I am not alone here) , I do not support myself with my art, only pays a few bills. Coming up with that deposit would be very difficult. I would like to say that I "banked" that deposit until the final payment but necessity dictates that I use it for obvious reasons. Don't get me wrong, I LIVE TO PAINT and do not PAINT TO LIVE. But let's face it. Life can be expensive even if your lifestyle is very simple.
Marcus, " on your crutches" ???
Well I must say you are indeed persistent and consistent. I will surely take your advice and emotionally take a step outside and be professional. I tend to take it personally and have a trying time separating the two.
Carol and Steven, about the 50 lb. sack of fertilizer ( actually 10 of them) -a bad decision on my part and probably a little love for the hubby. Things change, roles alter for a great number of reasons.An ex-farmer, he loves that green grass and in NC , that doesn't always happen. But believe me, next time I will try a different approach.
Well, again thanks to all of you I certainly feel like I have a direction and my load seems somehow lighter. I deeply appreciate your comments and will take a portion of all of them into account. I also will try to post the child here and the reference photo. Try not to be too cruel but honest. I will post for critique.
Regards,
Patt