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Simon,
I don't know how the girls really look like, but I feel that the lower girl is a bit too contrasty on her right cheek.
The transitions from light to dark will happen over a longer distance where the cheek is rounding softly like on the top and middle of it and faster where the planes are turning more sharply, like beside the mouth.
I also think that the vertical shadow from the corner of the mouth and down to the chin could be lighter and there could be some reflected light, from the shirt, on the jawline.
The edge of her left cheek could be softened if you lighten the shadow a little with a warm brown and the edge itself could be softened with some Raw Umber and white, a slightly darker value than the skin. I think just like the eyebrow, where it is lightest , is what I mean.
Allan
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