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Ngaire,
I'd love to share tips, although my mind is a blank right now in spite of (or perhaps because of) drawing all day.
Expanding on Terri's comment: You want to remember that the head is large unified rounded form, lit from a certain direction. Do you see how in Tony's drawing the lights get progressively darker as the light has to travel farther or hits at a less direct angle? Your little forms on his face are well-rendered, but keep in mind the idea of shading the head as a whole as it turns away from the light. For instance, the front part of his cheek looks a bit dark in your drawing, and parts of the jaw look a bit light. Also, remember that although his ear catches the light in many places, it is an integral part of the head, and joins at a place that is turning away from the light. It's tempting to make the ear too light and too detached.
Regarding the drawing, I don't know if you were following his particular method, but I'm just curious how you approached the drawing initially? In his book he shows this drawing in progress only after he's finalized the contour. Did you begin by blocking in the big shapes or did you start drawing the contour right away?
Keep up the good work!
Anna
P.S.
If you like Tony's book you might also check out the books his teacher, Ted Seth Jacobs wrote: Drawing With an Open Mind, and, if you can find it, Light for the Artist.
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