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Hi Janet,
I'll add my two cents to everything that has been written above, all of which I also agree with.
You have tackled a very complex subject and perhaps for your next painting a simple head and shoulders of Sam will help you simplify your thoughts and go after the key issues that need to be mastered first.
You might want to pose her like the Vermeer painting "Girl with a Pearl Earring." One person, one strong light source. Sit her somewhere indoors, with the interior lights off, about five feet from a window, so that the face is three quarters in light, and one quarter in shade. A pose with lighting like that will make your job much easier and you'll be able to clearly see what areas belong to the light and what areas belong in the shadow.
Let's just look at Sam's head for now, in this painting. The major problem is something Sharon and Chris talked about. That is: the relative brightness of all the light and dark areas. The key thing to remember is that the human head is essentially an egg shape. The facial features that are stuck on that egg need to have all their lights and darks determined by whether they are sitting on the lighted part of the egg or the shaded part.
To be specific, nothing on the left of her face (from our viewpoint) in this painting should be above a dark/middle value. The eye on our left should be entirely in shadow. The whole eye and its socket is much too light (the rim of the lower lid especially) and so it comes forward and flattens out the entire three dimensional egg feeling.
The same thing is occuring down the entire left side of the head which should all be in shadow. The upper cheek below the eye on our left is too light, for example. Another area where this problem is conspicuous is in the lighted rim along the outer edge of her upper lip. It's been painted too light all along its length, but especially on the left side.
As a quick exercise, draw an imaginary line down her face to denote the edge of the light. Nothing on the left of that line should be as light as the shapes on the right of that line. Squint at the photo and this demarcation will be much easier to see. (In fact squinting every minute or two will help you immensely with your values throughout.)
One final comment and that is that there are too many undulations in the contours of the forms on her face. The lips (as Chris mentioned) shouldn't curve up and down so much. This undulation is particularly an issue along the lower left edge of the face all the way down to the chin. The ins-and-outs of a face shape, especially one so young as hers, are generally much more subtle than we think. Remember that basic egg shape.
Good luck and I look forward to seeing your next painting! And by the way, I didn't learn any of this at OCA -- I learned it all on this Forum and at books and workshops recommended on this Forum!
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