Mike, at first glance of the first image, it looks nice. But at close range, I can see some problems. I am going to be tough. You are good, and can handle it.
1. The eyes are weak. The line qualities of the eyelids need more expression. They are flat, and too parallel. The lines that form the crease over the eyelid are very important to expression of the eyes. If they are flat, or misshaped, they will detract from all the rest, no matter how good (and it is good.) I have added some variety to the lines in the attaschment. The eyes are not on the axis - the line that is drawn through the line of the eyes from one end to the other. This phenomenon is prevelent in artists who begin with the eyes and work outward. The tear ducts do not not balance - one is different than the other. Perhaps it is because you had insufficient detail in the photograph. I cannot tel without a reference photo. I have rotated the eyes slightly to the right.
2. I have rotated the nose slightly to the right as well.
3. You could stand to limit your color palette in the flesh tones a bit. The shadows in the neck are different than those in the rest of the subject. Also, the colors around the mouth tell of a glaze which did not match (something which shows up more in the photo than in reality, perhaps.) Perhaps mixing more quantity of color would help solve this, so you would have more consistency of values over the painting.
All said with best intention - not to discourage. As the proverb says, "Iron sharpeneth iron."
