I can relate (and I haven't even had my glass of wine this evening).
That "high" value/low number sort of thing always gets me too -- anything arbitrary gets oppressive after a while (maybe it's a logical left brain sort of thing, against which the artistic right brain revolts).
You did explain the benefit of the 9-point scale well. In fact, that is how I usually mix paints for fleshtones: A set of highlights, a set of midtones, and a set of shadows (for each area of skintones -- the cheeks and nose typically more reddish).
Like you said, it's more practical to judge relative values than, say, 20% grey (I think that may be more useful in photo labs etc.) -- particularly since that same grey (or any color of that value) would appear lighter or darker in various environments of color.
But just as this discussion of primary colors seeks to uncover the inherent nature of colors, grayscales and other logical frameworks can be of help in analyzing, and perhaps then creating, works of art, even if such considerations are dealt with more by intuition than by conscious calculation.
Art flourishes because of the variation in style of the artists; but underlying it all, there are certain fundamentals: For example, certain colors -- and not others -- are indeed primaries.
The technically greatest artists can apply the principles of color and other materials and methods with ease; the greatest artists of all can also use these means to elaborate even more fundamental values, as of humanity and spirituality.
Art, like science, is a search for the Truth (and, thus, some might say a search for the nature of God).
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