It is a very sweet pose, but unfortunately there are some major technical problems that all seem to have originated in the source photo itself. With the harshness of the light in the reference shot I think it would have been impossible to make a good portrait painting.
As Karin mentioned, the values are extremely compressed at the high and low ends of the spectrum, with no middle tones. The flash that was used to photograph these subjects has flattened out the forms, distorted the skintones and created some very harsh edgy shapes in the girl's hair and unnatural shadows on her neck and chin.
In addition (and maybe this also existed in the source photo) there's some distortion in the shape of the heads. That can be caused by a camera used on wide angle setting and positioned too close to the subject.
Like many of the artists on this Forum, I learned the hard way that it's not possible to make a good painting from a bad photo. I think if you photograph some subjects yourself (single source of light, no flash, from a greater distance, not using the wide angle setting on the camera) you will be able to create some really nice work.
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