Mike,
Here's an opinion from a rank amateur: The first thing I thought when I saw the photo, was "oh lovely! But what's with the swans?" I agree with Steven that they must go. I like the way he simplified the space behind her head also. But I do like the flowers where they are. I think they augment the composition without stealing from the subject. That being said however, I'm not the most adamently confident in my own judgement. Sharon knows a lot better than I on everything artistic.
I am really taken with the photo of Victoria with her hair up. The eyes, which are of tantamount importance in most portraits, stand out better in this last photo and are far more expressive than in the first. Additonally, think the hair style flatters her jaw structure and facial lines. I also prefer the position of the flute in this last photo.
Oh yes, one last thing: I agree with Sharon (I'm sure she'll be so relieved---
) that your subject's skin tones look pasty next to the intensely warm background wall.
Cheers,
Val