Hi Mike,
The likeness is there. There are just some details to fix and I am confident that you are on the right track.
I like the version without the hands because the reference photo on the hands is not that great. It is hard to figure out the edges on the fingers.
Critiquing your our work I find works well after you take a break off the work. And you have the best seat in the house!
PS. I would also recommend not to use a really heavy and rough paper. Charcoal is hard enough medium to control.
