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I think this is a touching and perceptive treatment of this particular subject, and I have no problem with the pose. The only area where I would suggest modification is at the back of the neck, which right now is ruler straight from spine to hairline. Some concavity (slight) would help the neck blend into the shoulder area and back of the skull. Also, the hair, even if thin, will have some bulk, some thickness, and would lie on "top" of the nape of the neck; right now, it seems to be kind of "tucked into" the neck, making the flesh of the neck seem to bulge and then suddenly dip underneath the hair. The whole area might be successfully modified by simply starting at the hairline and "shaving" a thin crescent off the back of the neck (slightly more at the nape than at the lower part; I'm not suggesting a compass-generated arc -- nothing near that radical) and perhaps also building up the thickness of the hair a little. Shaping the neckline like that will also have a very slight effect as well on the way you handle the highlight, which right now looks straight and uniformly wide, creating a cylindrical look. After the shaping, look very closely for that area where the tangent of the neck's curve is perpendicular to the light source; that will be the area with the brightest highlight, and you can introduce slightly more colour as you move away from that area. I think this will go a long way toward "humanizing" this part of the anatomy, an area where I suspect this girl carries a lot of her withheld character and emotion.
One other note: the highlight around the edge of the ear probably extends too far forward or at least too strongly. Even given the translucence of the ear, the part where the ear attaches to the head would be in light similar to that of the surrounding hair and skin. The hair behind the ear would be partially blocking the light, as well.
A heartbreaking study, if one thinks about a while. You were courageous to take it on. Well done.
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