Hi Will,
I'll try my hand here at offering some color suggestions. I am presuming you shot this photo outdoors in direct sunlight, so my comments are based upon that assumption.
The value and temperature on the hair in sunlight look correct, very warm color, very light value. I also accept the hair in shadow on our left as correct. The bangs in both versions seem unclear in value: in comparison to both sides of the hair and the underlying value of the skin on the forehead, the bangs must be either lighter, or darker, or their form show a curve which includes consistent elements of each, as I know that red/blond hair can often do on a fair-skinned subject.
The face though, is completely in shadow. (No hint of light coming through the sunlit hair?) In fact, the entire portrait, except for the sunlit hair, is in shadow, so the shadow colors all need to be rendered in relatively cooler tones in order to establish a believable color unity. You've used dark oranges, reds and violets in the shadow. The purple shadow on the cheek on our right, in the nasal-labial folds, and under the chin read as too cold, and too saturated to me. Cooling your shadowed skin tones with green instead of something in the red family would have, I think, introduced a proper temperature shift, as well as more desaturated color, which would be the case in any shadowed circumstance. The fact that the sweater and background are green will make all of your reds appear redder, including the skin tones: using some desaturated green in the skin will also serve to help integrate the background and figure.
The teeth, and possibly the whites of the eyes still look a little too light to me, but this is in comparison to the surrounding value of the skin, especially the dark purple notes in the nasal-labial fold on our right accents. I do see, though, that you have begun to introduce some aspect of form into the curve of the arch of the teeth.
I have never seen anyone more masterful than Burton Silverman at using temperature shift to indicate changes in form, where there is very little value differentiation. If you don't already have Sight & Insight, you could treat yourself to a holiday present, here:
http://www.portraitartist.com/bookstore/favorites.htm, and if you can get Breaking the Rules of Watercolor, you could get that for your wife. She'll still like it better than a new remote control.
Hats off to you for working in this very difficult and unforgiving medium!